Secrets For You

dirtygirl77 @ 2008-09-30T23:01:00

2008-10-01T06:08:25Z

I'm back at work now (I'm a teacher and summer is over), so we're having a lot less alone time. However, we are making do. =)

Right now, I have a bad case of bronchitis (blame the job) and the worst part of it is that I can't kiss him! Yesterday, since I stayed home from work, we finally got some midday fun in. He's had this issue where he wouldn't let me get him all the way to cumming because he was self-consicous about getting it on me. I recently told him that I don't mind because, hello, I can just wash it off. But yesterday, he FINALLY let me take him all the way to the end! I'd never noticed how red his penis got until it was my hand wraped around it. Mmmm... BUT I COULDN'T KISS HIM THE WHOLE TIME!!!

I went to urgent care today and had to answer "yes" for the first time when they asked if I was sexually active. That was strange.

dirtygirl77 @ 2008-08-14T13:52:00

2008-08-14T21:27:16Z

I know, I know. It's been a long time. I moved in with my boyfriend and his mom and the two of us have been having a lot of fun when she's at work.

We've been having a lot of "pretend sex," as we call it. Basically we're both completely naked except for my panties. I reeeeeealy enjoy having my clit rubbing back and forth over his hard cock. He loves when I play with him through his pants when one of us is driving. I'm going skirt-shopping today so he can do that to me once in awhile.

This morning, I walked in on him having his "morning fun time." (Okay, I'm noticing that we have pretty much everything named... how corny) I leaned down over him and said between kisses, "I'm going to take a shower. You can join me if you want." He got a HUGE smile on his face and said, "That sounds like a good idea." So we hopped in together. I splashed some water all over his yummy body and drenched my hair. And we stood there, kissing each other's necks, me giving him a hand job, him rubbing my clit with his fingers. I whispered something in his ear about how much I wanted to feel him inside me and he said, "Screw it. I can't wait until marriage. You're too damn sexy." So I ran to my room to get one of the condoms I (thankfully) bought awhile ago and brought it back.

Okay, keep in mind, we were both virgins when we woke up this morning.

We tried it standing up... that didn't work. So we tried it sitting in the shower, but there wasn't enough room. We decided to take matters elsewhere. To my bed! I layed on my back and showed him where things needed to go (first time, remember!). It worked for awhile, but he ended up slipping out too much. So we switched to me on top. But he had started to go soft because things weren't working out really well. After a few attempts with me on top, he jerked himself off for a little bit so he could get hard again. Then he pulled me to the side of the bed while I was on my back and he entered me while he was standing up. Yeah... same problem. So we went back to missionary and that worked for a little bit again. But yeah... we realized that he wasn't going to get off unless it involved a hand or a mouth. He layed down next to me, started jerking off, and said, "I'm not done with you yet." He finished both of us off with his hands.

We had some good laughs during the whole ordeal. It will definitely be memorable! Haha, we tried five different ways and none of them worked very well. But we know it takes practice and, oh boy, are we looking forward to that!

dirtygirl77 @ 2008-07-14T16:36:00

2008-07-14T23:45:18Z

So I gave in and bought some condoms today. Now I just need to tell him without making it awkward, haha.

I also got a magazine that had some fun, sexy truth or dare cards that I want to try out with him. I don't know if we'll have the patience for that tonight. I know I'm ready to go already!

And I'm about to leave on a search for a new sexy outfit. I really don't have much that would be appealing to him. I know he enjoys when I show some cleavage, so I'm hunting for low necklines. I'm also thinking maybe a skirt would be fun to throw into the bedroom time. We haven't done that yet.

Ooooooooh man, such anticipation! It's going to be a long, wet evening waiting for him...

First Fight...

2008-07-14T09:48:14Z

My journal has been quiet for awhile because it's been awhile since I've seen my love. My sex drive was unusually low for the whole week, too. I only masturbated two or three times all week and none of the orgasms were anything spectacular.

However, we had our first fight ever last night (via text), but we worked it out. And now I am looking forward to the make-up sexy time when I FINALLY get to see him tomorrow night. =) There is so much passion for him in me right now that I'm going to be stirring in anticipation of when he gets off of work. And I can tell he's got a lot in him, too. Ahhh... it is going to be so hot tomorrow night between us! All that's going through my head right now is, "What am I going to wear that's going to look sexy but be easy to take off?" Haha.

In other news, I went to a store many miles away to buy some condoms. When I started heading toward the appropriate aisle, I turned back. I didn't chicken out, but at that moment, I thought about how we both said from the beginning that we wanted to wait until we were married for sex. We've gone plenty further than we originally planned, but having condoms readily available will kind of screw it all over completely. On one hand, I want to. But on the other hand, I don't. I figure I'll tell him that if he wants to, he'd better buy some. Although we both know that I'm better at making decisions, but I want to leave it up to him.

Nine o'clock tomorrow night will NOT come soon enough!

Random Stuff

2008-07-07T05:36:48Z

Reading other "secret sex journals" and through communities, it makes my sex life sound so... bland. Everything is about bondage and domination and toys and other such things. For a moment, caught myself thinking, "Geez, I need to spice up my sex life!" But then I realized hullo stupid, you didn't even get your first kiss until this past March.

Just how bland is it? The furthest I've gone is giving oral and getting fingered. I've done anything sexual with only one man. I like plain ol' couples porn the most. I don't own a single toy...

Things progressed really quickly for us. At least by my book. Am I content with where we are? ABSOLUTELY. Bland is how I like it. For now. =)

I'm pretty sure I figured out why I'm always thinking about sex all of the sudden. As a young child, I was molested for yeeeeeears. Never to the point of full-on rape, but everything up to that. So I was exposed to way too much sex at much to young of an age. Instead of making me afraid of sex, it made me curious. I began masturbating in elementary school and started watching porn soon there after. But it was always something very private and I felt a lot of shame about it publically. Because I had to keep all of the molestation a secret as a kid, I felt like I had to keep all of my sexuality a secret. Now, I'm with a man that I feel completely comfortable with. I'm not afraid to show my sexuality to him. So now, it's all kind of getting unleashed. I'm able to tell someone about my desires, act of the things I've been fantisizing about, be treated the way I've always thought I deserved to be treated. All of that good stuff.

Just some random thoughts. Sorry it's nothing too exciting, but I can't really say all of this in my other journal.

Our First 69

2008-07-05T23:33:47Z

Earlier in the week, I slept in his room, again on the other bed without him. His mom saw me sneaking out of his room into the spare bedroom and confronted him on it. "So, you two slept together?" Ironically enough, we didn't do ANYTHING that night. She trusted him when he said that we didn't do anything, but I understand why she freaked out. Her daughter had her first child at 18 and was totally unprepared for it. My bf told her that's why he's going to be proposing soon, so we don't end up having a child out of wedlock. I know our limits and I know we have enough control over ourselves to at least use protection if we get to that situation. Trust me. We've been very close (as you will read later in this entry), but we know how far we can go.

He's told me that he's always wanted to have a threesome, but I'm not too fond of that idea. Lately, he's been mentioning which of his friends he'd want to include if we did, but always in a joking manner. Last night, he told me in a way that seemed like he seriously wanted to. Uh... yeah, still not too hot on that idea. It's a guy friend of his that is always in the mood and my bf said he'd want it to be with another guy so he could see me getting more pleasure than he could do alone. But I'm a one-man kind of woman. I said, "Think of how far I'm willing to go with you. It wouldn't be too much fun putting another guy into the mix." I know he's going to keep mentioning the idea, but I'm just going to have to keep shooting it down. I am SO not up for it.

We had a talk about weight, too. I'm a big girl. Despite what he chooses to believe, I weigh about 30 pounds more than him. I don't look like I weigh as much as I do because I'm more muscular than people realize, tall, and evenly proportioned, but yeah, I'm a fattie. Oh well. I don't think I'm pretty, but I also don't think I'm the ugliest thing on the planet. He tries telling me I'm hot and gorgeous and all that kind of stuff, but I know I'm not. That doesn't mean I think lowly of myself. Despite how I look, I know I'm strong, independent, intelligent, creative, and worth just as much as any model out there. I finally made it all the way to being comfortable naked in front of him. I really don't like when he keeps pressing the issue. It makes me self-conscious because I have to explain to him why I think he's wrong. And then I end up saying negative things about myself even though I don't think of myself negatively. Ugh. Okay, I just realized that I need to talk to him about that.

ANYWAY, we had some fun last night. Ready?

Just before bed, we somehow ended up making out standing up while he had nothing on from the waist down. We stumbled our way over to the futon where he sat down. I straddled his legs. He pulled my shirt off and onto the floor. He sucked on my nipples, not quite as hard as I would have preferred, but still plenty pleasurable. With my soft cotton pajama pants still on, I raised my hips. Up and down. Up and down. His penis rubbing up against all of my girly bits. Ahh yes, it was nice. I gave him a little push so he ended up laying on his back just before I stood up and stripped down to nothing. I crawled on top of him, putting his penis on my lips and my clit towards his face. I sucked, licked, and jerked him just until he was about to orgasm. He fingered, rubbed, and played with me until I was just about to orgasm. I got up and sat by his legs and we both masturbated. I came first, so I helped him by rubbing and tugging at his balls until he came. I love seeing him burst like that.

I still want him to take a little more control with these kinds of things. But I do think this time was a little more equal than usual.

First Taste of Semen

2008-07-01T04:09:12Z

Saturday night was spent at his house again. When I sleep over, I sleep in the extra bed in his room. He's a borderline insomniac, so it's not fun sharing a bed with him. Anywho. So I was laying on my bed, him on his. I masturbated to an orgasm to put myself to sleep while he had his back turned. About ten minutes later, I could see him playing with himself a little. And maaaaaaan, does that turn me on. So I went in for a second round of self-pleasuring. The pulsing sheet on top of him told me that it was turning him on watching me. I had to resist the urge to hop into his bed and take care of things myself, but I promised that I'd let him make all of the moves the next time. He watched me for about a minute before coming over to my bed, saying, "We're both laying here playing with ourselves. Might as well do it together." WOOHOO!

We threw off my panties and, since he was already naked, started handling each other. He asked if he was in the right spot, what I wanted him to do, if he was doing it right. I moaned out my approvals and desires through the extreme pleasure. It must have worn him out because I wasn't orgasming. But it still felt magical! He stopped, so I got to focus on the handjob I was giving. He still pushes me away when he's about to cum, but this time, I stayed right there with my face inches away from his penis. When he tried to grab it from me, I said, "No, I want to do it." I guess he got the wrong idea because he asked if it was a facial I wanted. Oh well, that works, too! So I let him finish himself off and ejaculate on my face. He told him to lick it off the tip, so I did. That was the first time I'd ever had semen in my mouth. Definitely didn't taste like what I expected. He warned me that it is salty, but man... it burned the tip of my tongue a bit!

After we were clothed again, he sounded a little concerned that I hadn't orgasmed. I explained to him that I had orgasmed only minutes before we started, so it would have taken a loooooong time to get me there again. I told him it still felt REALLY REALLY good and I still enjoyed it. He did everything right.

It's been awhile since I've given him a blowjob. I think he's so used to masturbating that a handjob just feels more familiar.

I think I'll still let him take the reigns next time. It was nice to know that he wanted it just as much as I did.

Also, I took the long way home from work today to stop by a WalMart where I would be less likely to see someone I knew. Stopped by the condom section and oh boy... what a selection! So now I have an idea of how much it's going to cost, but I didn't look too intently. There were a lot of people there and it was still too close to work and home for me to get any. I'm going to have to make a more distant trip late at night some day. Or maybe early Friday morning when I'm off for the holiday. I still don't want to rely solely on condoms, but it's better than nothing until I get a chance to see my doctor. I know it's not guaranteeing that we will have actual PIV sex, but it's just a precaution. I do want to wait as long as we can so our relationship doesn't get clouded by too many sexual desires.

Still Waiting...

2008-06-28T03:00:35Z

Today was payday. So of course the first thing I did after work was buy some new sexy panties. Now I'm really looking forward to having a chance to show them to him. Waiting for him to make the first move is so difficult, yet probably a good thing. My desire for it has gone done from 150% all day every day to still wanting it, but doing less to get him to want it. It's helped me focus on other aspects of our relationship and enjoy just simply being with him without pressure. I'm even masturbating less. I skipped a day or two in the past week, AND I haven't been as interested in porn.

Spending some late-night time with him this weekend. I don't know if he'll be in the mood or not, but it doesn't matter. I still love him and can give myself the luvin if need be. =)

Also, I'm going to buy my first pack of condoms if I ever remember when I'm at a store that isn't near home or work. And I plan on getting a physical/ check-up in August and asking about birth control. Just in case it gets to that point, you know. We're trying to wait, but it gets more difficult every day. I just don't want to lose my self-control in the heat of the moment and regret it.

Redemption

2008-06-26T06:05:35Z

I explained myself to him last night. About how I feel like I've always initiated everything we've done and that I'm going to wait until he starts something next. He said, "You do realize that you're always horny and I'm not always in the mood, right?" Yeah... this is going to be a difficult wait, but I'm sure it will be amazing when the mood strikes him. =)

First Dry Hump

2008-06-25T01:28:00Z

I need more icons!

So last night was definitely quite fun. =) We were cuddling while watching a movie on his couch and I started stroking him with his clothes on. The movie finished and we went to his bedroom. I layed next to him on his bed. We began to make out with LOTS of tongue while I continues stroking him. I sat up and removed his shorts and boxers and gave him a fist full o' handjob while tasting his tongue more. I straddled myself on top of him while I was still wearing my skimpy shorts and revealing top and started our first dry hump or whatever you want to call it. I rocked back and forth, feeling his penis rub up against my clit with only a few layers of cotton and lace in between. Judging by his moans, he REALLY liked it. We continued that for a little while before I threw off my top and shorts and layed down beside him. He looked a little shocked when he saw my dark pink lacy panties. Usually I'm a cotton girl, but these were bought with him in mind. =) Anyway, he reached his hand inside those panties, put his hand all over my pussy, and said, "Right there, Sweetie?" I managed to get out a pleasured "Yes..." He rubbed my clit and I went back to giving him a handjob. He rubbed so fast that I orgasmed very quickly. When I reach that point that fast, it's never a huge one. I was squirming around so much already that he didn't even notice that I climaxed. I let him continue because duh, it felt really good. After awhile, it was just like he was smooshing me around and nothing was happening, so I whispered, "You did it." He obviously hadn't orgasmed yet, so I got to focus on the handjob I was giving. He kneeled over me at my side and twisted my nipples as he finished himself jerking off. Faster, harder, louder, and he came all over my stomach.

Later on, he asked if I even orgasmed. I told him that I did a long time before I told him to stop and he laughed a little. Take it slower, por favor!

I sent him a text today saying that next time, I want him to initiate it and to take the lead for the whole time because I want to see what he has in mind. Every time we do anything, it's when I want to and he never tells me what he wants. But I guess I worded it poorly because now he thinks I'm pissed at him because he never takes control or whatever. I'm going to try and explain myself to him when I see him tonight because I'm not mad in the least bit and I HATE knowing that he thinks I'm mad at him when I'm not.

Wish me luck!

Anniversary Weekend

2008-06-23T20:12:17Z

This weekend was pretty darn hot between the two of us, and that was without either of us getting to touch the other's lower regions!

I spent the night as his house Friday and Saturday. At one point he dropped his pants to the floor while loading a dvd. I've never had a chance to check out his naked butt before and I really enjoyed it! I've always been a bit of a butt-admiring girl. His is tight and round and mmm... I like it. =)

On the drive home Saturday night, he started pulling at himself through his pants while I was driving. I told him that I really enjoy watching him do that, so he did it until he thought he was going to cum soon. Man, was I wet after that! I got a little jealous because I couldn't do it to him AND since I couldn't do it to myself because I was driving. It was a long, exhausting day and the heat had us both beat. So we didn't have the energy to do anything to each other when it came time for bed. Instead, I masturbated while he had his back turned to me. I wanted him to turn around and watch, so I tried to be a little noisy about it. He wasn't turning over, so I had to prolong the pleasure, which I rarely do (but now I think I will more often). But I couldn't hold out long enough. I sped up and found my favorite spot and just exploded. Oh well, he missed out.

Sunday was spent at an amusement park. I tried to find every opportunity I could to get my hands on that sexy butt. I'd stand behind him in a queue line against a wall, push myself real close to him, and squeeze and massage away. But my favorite part of the park was the dark rides. There was one ride in particular that had quite a bit of pitch-black parts that I would take advantage of. I reached down to his groin and did all that I could do with my hands through his shorts. Needless to say, we went on that ride over and over and over. On the drive home, he did a replay of the drive from the night before. He started with his hand on top of his shorts. Awhile later, he had his hand reach up through the leg hole in his pants. Then he pulled his penis out above the waistband and jerked and jerked and jerked until he came. In the middle of the street. With the windows down. Hottest thing I've ever seen!

I dropped him off at his house and drove myself home to finish off what he had started in me. The best thing after an exhausting day walking in the summer heat and watching your boyfriend jerk off in a public place is a hard orgasm. After my recent discovery that I like my nipples twisted and pulled with a little force, I began incorporating that into my masturbation. It gives me a new sensation that feels like it connects my whole body. Instead of just feeling all of that pleasure around my clit, I feel it in my abdomen, my legs, my feet, my arms... it's amazing!

He had today off from work and I called in sick (I'm telling you, this heat has drained me). So hopefully we'll both be up for a little more fun when I spend the night at his place tonight. I want to tell him about my new found appreciation for my nipples so he can work on that more. Maybe we'll discover another new thing tonight.

Complaining!

2008-06-21T03:44:33Z

There will be no extreme hanky pany for me this weekend since my period showed up right on time today. BOO. But I still went out and bought some sexy new panties because I figure I can still look hot while I do what I can to him.

I think it's ironic how I never tried to look nice for men until I got one of my own. Now I love dressing up (and down) for him!

Freaking menstration... couldn't you wait four days so I could have my fun?! And of course it's been hot as all hell, so I feel sticky and stinky on top of bloated and crampy. Eww. But I know we'll still have way too much fun being as dirty in public as we can without being tacky. Hooray for inside jokes and dark theme park rides. =)

New Discoveries!

2008-06-17T04:45:17Z

Well so much for saving it all for next weekend! There is something about late Sunday nights...

He started pulling at himself through his pants after a night of trivia via Wii. I got up, turned off the lights, threw my pants across the room, and proceeded to a tongue-dominated makeout session. YUM! I pulled him on top of me and got rid of what little top I had on still. I could feel his kisses on my lips change a little as he kissed his way down to my nipple. New fact of the night number one: I love it rough on my nipples! =) He was at that for awhile and I wanted more. So I grabbed his hand and led it down my panties. Note: This was only the second time he'd been there without clothing covering it, so he is definitely still learning. I wasn't completely satisfied with how he was motioning, so I moved his hand to where it felt the best and said, "Harder." It didn't take long before I had my first orgasm caused by someone else (woohoo!). My knees crouched up to my chest, my whole body shook, and I have no idea how loudly I moaned... mmm...

However, he didn't know that it was what it was. So I said, "That was it," and caught my breath while he stood above me wanking off. I sat up and began a handjob/blowjob. New fact of the night number two: He likes blowjobs a LOT more when he's laying down as opposed to standing up. I was also at a slightly awkward position for him to be in my mouth since I'm a fairly tall woman and the couch wasn't exactly tiny. He told me just to use my hand, so I did. Soon enough, he came allllll over my neck, breasts, stomach, and legs.

It wasn't the best orgasm I ever had. It actually felt exactly like when I masturbate, only I had TWO free hands. I'm longing for the day when we explore each other in ways we haven't yet. I want him to feel exactly where my clit is. I want him to lick me and finger me fast and then slow and then fast and then slow and all kinds of ways that I won't be able to predict. I want him to tell me what areas and speeds and degrees of pressure feel the best on him. I want him to cum from something that he can't do to himself. I want us to be naked and all over each other and have neither of us orgasm for a long, long time.

Buuuuuut, as much as I want that to happen next weekend, nature might have other plans. I'm supposed to start my period this week. UGH! I'm hoping it starts tomorrow so maybe I'll be done by Saturday night. If not, he'll have to stick to my breasts and get the night of his life while I end up finishing myself off alone.

Not-Alone Masturbation

2008-06-12T05:49:17Z

I spent last night at his house. We kept working each other up with words, but not doing anything pyhysically which I found to be all kinds of fun. =) When we layed down in our (separate) beds, I could see him jerking off and OMG did I find that to be the hottest thing ever at that point in time. UGH, all I wanted was for him to join me in the bed and have our tongues and hands all over each other, but no... I'm still trying to save it for the anniversary weekend. Anyway, after an entire night of dirty flirting and seeing him pleasure himself, I had to get all of that sexual desire out of my system right then and there. So I did something I'd never done before. I masturbated with him in the room. It certainly wasn't the best since I turned away from him and tried to keep my movements and sounds to a minimum. But goodness... what's a girl to do?

I have no idea if he knew what I was doing. The fan was on so it was loud and I can barely see a thing without my glasses so I don't know if he even had his eyes open. What surprises me is that I hope he DID know what I was doing. It'd be another dirty secret for us to keep to ourselves.

I enjoy dirty secrets!

Condom Talk

2008-06-10T02:15:56Z

My man and I haven't had full-on PIV intercourse yet. We were planning on holding everything off until marriage, but that went out the window since, hullo, we are both horny humans that have a problem keeping our hands (and mouths) off of each other. We're getting to the point that I can't trust myself saying that we can wait that long for sex. So, being a responsible citizen, I've been thinking about investing in some condoms. However, I've also been reading all of the stories about condoms breaking and slipping and all yadda yadda yadda and I don't think condoms will be enough. So I started thinking about going on the pill. The problem is getting to my doctor... which is opens after I start working and closes before I'm off and is closed on the weekends. I need to go for a check-up anyway, so I think I'll set up an appointment after my next period.

Anyway, back to sex.

The weekend after this next one is when we are celebrating our anniversary together. We're going to spend the night together again and that always leads to naked fun. I am SO looking forward to it, too! I've been trying to keep my hands to myself as much as I can to build it all up to that night and go crazy on him. I think I'll buy some condoms just in case. I also want to go slower than normal because we tend to just rush through it.

No Bueno Joke

2008-06-08T22:30:47Z

My bf came over last weekend since I was having a bad day for some reason and we ended up fooling around a little. I get VERY wet VERY easily, so I'm soaked by the time he even gets close to touching me. He made a few joking comments about it, which he though was okay since we joke around and pick on each other all the time. But, for some reason, it actually hurt for once. He came to my place because I couldn't figure out why I was in tears and he ended up making fun of me for something I can't really control.

A few days after that, I told him that it hurt me. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me and like I wasn't what he wanted. I wasn't mad at him, but he needed to know that. So he said he wouldn't do it again.

He also has the thing where he won't let me finish him off when I give him a blowjob. He thinks it will taste repulsive, so he always ends up pushing me away and jerking himself off until he cums. I REALLY want to do it myself because I'd like to know that I have the capability to have such power over his body. I once mentioned that to him, but still no go. So I think next time I might tell him in the heat of the moment because, obviously, he doesn't think straight then.

Hullo!

2008-06-03T02:44:14Z

I have no idea how often I'm going to be updating this journal. It's mostly for communities and writing about my desires and frustrations as I begin canoodling in the world of sex.

I feel like I should begin by giving a run-down of my current situation and past whatnot, but I'm not. I'll put it in a nut-shell...

23 years old. All woman. Home-run virgin, but enjoy all other bases VERY much. Completely committed to my current man, ooo la la.

I'm learning to become comfortable expressing my sexuality and I want to use this journal as a tool to find out new information, ask questions, and say what I want to say but cannot say in my other journal.

...now to find some good communities for this!